Car Crash Crushes: Part 2

Remember my ‘Car Crash Crushes’ blog from December?  Here is the traumatic story of how my world view on the inevitability of fancying strange-looking people almost fell to pieces. 

It happened recently when I was visiting my friend in Sheffield.  There were three of us in total:  I met Burnsie at university and, through her, met Miss Sheffield when we all worked in Canada together.  I love meeting up with these girls and it promised to be an awesome weekend until I walked into the Yorkshire apartment and was met with a huge picture of….. #dum, dum, dum#…. RUPERT GRINT! 

Rupert Grint

I kid you not.  He was hoisted, God-like, above our heads and looked almost debonair, one shoulder forward and leaning into the camera with the playful hint of a smile.  Oh gosh. 

Taking a step back, I tilted my head to see if I was missing something.  I was not.  It was still Rupert Grint.  And he still held pride of place on the wall.  What was a girl to do?  I laughed.  

Miss Sheffield took it well.  She knew what she was opening herself up to by admitting her love for a Weasley, but true love can overcome any obstacle.  Being a good friend, Burnsie cracked open a bottle of wine and tried to make Miss Sheffield feel better.  She drew all her courage and then admitted her own secret: a passionate crush on Jeremy Kyle.  Not all the time, just when he is being particularly berating and obnoxious.  

However, despite all these confessions what made me feel most uncomfortable was when our laughter had eventually subsided and I a realised that both Burnsie and Miss Sheffield had turned to me, expectant.  If my theory was right I would have an equally appalling crush up my sleeve, but I don’t like Chris Isaak anymore.  What could I say?

I tried my best: Jon Bon Jovi; Marky Mark (of The Funky Bunch fame);  Keifer Sutherland; Donald Sutherland……..the girls were not impressed.  These men were just too attractive.  What was wrong with me?  The fragile theory my whole life had been based around was that everyone liked the imperfect guys in the end; that this was the natural way of things.  Now I was disproving my own theory, which was totally unacceptable!   

Sheffield Day 2: after a substantial number of afternoon cocktails we found ourselves in the local Reflex bar.  For those of you who have led a deprived life, this is a chain of 80’s themed pubs with huge TV screens and classic tunes playing all night long!

Phil Collins

The 3 of us were dancing away when who came on the TV screens high above our heads but a young(er) Phil Collins.  Burnsie went crazy with excitement.  Miss Sheffield and I looked at each other.  His hair was already beginning to recede and he was doing weird, shuffling Grandpa dancing in front of an awkward looking band.  Nonetheless, our friend was in heaven.  

I realised then that I was in one of Lois Theroux’ Weird Weekends:  The Weekend of The Car-Crash Crushes.  

 So we had Rupert Grint, Jeremy Kyle and Phil Collins.  Who could I add to the mix to prove that I had a normally depraved mind?  It was becoming a necessity.  The weekend wore on but with no luck and I said goodbye to the girls at the train station feeling like a failure.  

 But, at last, my theory is back on track and all is well in the world.  Redemption came last week when, while watching the box, I saw the man who would get ‘it’ in an instant; an underrated genius; quirky little vole of a man who can burrow into my nooks and crannies any day!  Ooooh, yes.  Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present Mr Jools Holland…….

Jools Holland