To Kill A Sex Life #2: Jakey Neighbours from Hell

What better way to kill a sex life than sleep deprivation: the kind that would make a vegetable out of the best of us?

Jake:  A Glaswegian term for a lowlife drunk who has dubious cleaning habits and typically nasally speech. 

We have two such class acts living next to us.  Luckily, we share an adjoining wall but use different entrance halls so manage to maintain minimal contact.  However, this also means we cannot just march across the corridor and bang on their door at 3am when they turn up Elton John, warbling along to Candle in the Wind.

Usually all we have to contend with is their shouting at each other twice a week when they are so drunk that their speech slurs together and the only words we can distinguish are ‘fuck’, ‘arsehole’, ‘bitch’ and other terms of Jakey endearment.  Bless.   But things have just got worse.  Last night Elton was replaced by Beyonce bloody Knowles and we had the joy of listening to ‘Halo’ on repeat.  What a bloody song choice.  I mean, it is repetitive enough at the best of times!  Some uninspired songwriter was having a laugh I’m sure, seeing how many people would buy an idiotic song with the same word repeated a gazillion times (yes, I counted, and gazillion is a real number) just because Beyonce sings it.  There is enough repetition throughout the horror show of the original track without then playing the song incessantly! 

I fell asleep with the Yorkshire Pudding’s finger in my ear as I fought to keep it out.